Does Luna Rosa Need the Wolf?

I'm sorry for the long delay since my last post. I was called in last-minute to consult with one of the teams (I can't say witch one), and I didn't have much free time. I literally received thousands of letter from fans wondering where I was, and now I know how Mike Seaver felt in Growing Pains. If my appartment was as cool as his appartment above the garage, and if I had a waterbed, then life would really be great.

So what is going on in Valencia? Well, there are a lot of rumors going around, some true and others not so true. The biggest rumor is probably the one about Team New Zealand cheating. In my opinion, this is 100% true. Luna Rossa spanked BMW Oracle, while Team NZ lost two matches to the disgraceful green Spanish lima-boat. So how are they up 3-0 on Luna Rosa already? They are cheating. They got so much money from Emirates, that if they win the cup, they have agreed to hold the next competition in Dubai. Yeah, that is pretty much the dirtiest thing to happen since Dale Hunter checked Pierre Turgeon after a goal in the playoffs. Some things just aren't right. More on Luna Rosa's tough situation in a minute.

So what other rumours were going around Valencia? Well, I can confirm 100% that they ARE in fact filming "Side Out 2: Spanish Spalding Spikes," as we speak, on the beaches of Valencia. Sadly, C. Thomas Howell isn't going to be in this one, but little known actor Gene Beason will be playing the part of the idiot who single handedly blows the big game while his team has a huge lead. He was originally cut from the movie, but lied to everyone and said he was still the star, and so for some reason they let him back in. The studio is reportedly spending over $50,000 just to have a special effects company digitally remove a disgraceful tatoo from Beason's ankle in all of the beach scenes.

Back on the sailing front, things are not looking good for Luna Rosa. The crew members have that look of frustration on their faces, that can only be described as that same look you get when you are losing pretty bad, and you are freakin positive you C button does not work. You start to hold up your controler and exaggerate, pressing the button loudly and complaining, but nobody cares. It doesn't matter that Busch Light and bong water are not the ideal cleaning solvents for a Genesis controller.

So I'm not going to get you all excited for a miracle comeback, although it is possible. No, this is Valencia, not Hollywood, and around here you REALLY can't win without the Wolf. 3-0 is a big hole, and today pretty much becomes your cliched 'must win situation.' If they go down 4-0 (remember this is a best 5 out of 9), then pretty much their only hope will be that Dean Barker and most of the Team NZ crew get freejacked out of the boat like Emilio Esteves out of his racecar. And yes, Jay Rabouin, we know that racecar is a plindrome. So root extra hard for Luna Rosa over the next few races, they need it.