James Spithill or Hoops McCann

Oh yeah, great, everybody loves Ari Gold. Just like that, with one stupid line about 'hugging', he became everyone's favorite character on Entourage. Everyone loves Ari, he is so funny. He is one of those funny Jews like Seinfeld or Larry David. If all Jews were as funny and cool as Ari, Brandeis would be the coolest school in the world. But it isn't. It isn't cool at all.

And you know what? If you are one of those people who said, "Oh, that Jeremy Piven is a great actor," or something to that effect, you aren't cool either. If you put some reference to him on your myspace page or something, you are a complete ass. What does this have to do with the America's Cup? If you haven't figured it out by now, you are a jerk. You probably root for the Spanish team and their green boat, and you probably had no idea that if you press the A button on defence, your guy will 'hook' guys on the other team with his stick and slow them down. You look stupider than Chris Dickson right now.

So Luna Rosa destroyed BMW Oracle racing in the semi final. 5-1 was the final score. On Saturday, during the start, James Spithill so badly outmaneuvered Chris Dickson that BMW had not one, but TWO penalties called against them just during the starting. That's like having one of your guys smushed into the boards by a check in NHL '94, and having him stay that way the entire game. If you were team BMW Oracle in the drinking game, then you are probably still in the hostpital, and have no hair anywhere on your body. (BMW also had some idiot with his face totally covered in Zinc, and on friday they had a part of their boat break off).

Right, so Luna Rosa's dominant victory over BMW Oracle bought only one thing to mind... that famous win in the Nantucket Regatta posted by The Boat, with helmsman Hoops McCann calling the shots. That too looked like a close race on paper. I mean, Teddy's boat was newer and faster, but once they turned on the engines, you knew that The Boat was gonna blow right by them with the help of the engine from Teddy's Ferrari. Even with Ty on his team, Teddy Beckersted never had a chance. But who was this Ty character?

Yeah, Ty. He was Teddy's best buddy. He was laughing the whole time as Hoops got destroyed in the free throw contest. Even with Bob 'Cat' Goldthwiat for a backboard (and he definately moved his arms hoop to try and help out Hoops on one of his shots, you can totally see it), it was a one sided affair. Ty was the short, polo shirt wearing pall that Teddy could count on to have his back. Ty was the guy who made us (people in the know) realize that Jeremy Piven was great, way back then.

Sure, he was in Lucas at about that same time, but we all know that Charlie Sheen stole that show. When he (Charlie Sheen) took his shirt off in front of the girl in the laundry room, I learned what it meant to be a man.

No, it was in One Crazy Summer where we really got to see the greatness in Jeremy Piven. And who knew that it would be a glimpse into the future of sail boat races of the future? Everyone knows that throwing some frozen fishsticks overboard, and using a sail made out of old bedsheets ISN'T going to work in real life. The only realistic thing about Summer Rental was John Candy's sunburn.

So, just in case you missed it, BMW Oracle got beat just like Teddy and Ty did in the Nantucket Regatta. Just like Team Teddy, BMW Oracle had a huge budget. 270 Million to be exact. That is more money than the NY Yankees spend to lose every year, but it still wasn't enough. That is what is so great about sailing, there are some things more important than money. Rich chicks in bikinis don't show up to baseball games, and you know that even if he was poor, Cookie was still gonna go home with Hoops after the race. Why he would chose Demi More over her is a mystery that may never be solved.